Run , Rest, Go home or Change the course?

For last few days, I had these recurrent dreams wherein I saw myself running behind someone. I knew there was something that my subconscious mind was nudging me to think through.

A week before I went for a 6-hour hike to a monastery in Bhutan and got lot of me time to think about my dream. The first run that came to my mind was of Forrest Gump. 

Forest started his run as he just thought of going for a run. He ran till end of road, end of town, across the county and state. He kept going till he reached end of the Atlantic Ocean and then turned around and kept going.

When he got tired, he slept, when hungry, he ate, when he had to go, well he went and so he just ran with no particular aim in mind, simply enjoying his run. I hope those who have watched this movie saw how relaxed he was, the kind of shoes and dress he wore. Basically, he was comfortable in his run.

Below conversation happen between him and few reporters.

Why are you running? Are you doing this for world peace? Are you doing this for women’s right? Or for the environment? Or for animals? Or for nuclear arms?

Forrest says: I just felt like running.

They just couldn’t believe that somebody would do all that running for no particular reason.

On his run, Forrest helped a few people indirectly but one forgets it was their mind of putting into action the hints he gave and then working hard to achieve their goals.

Few people start following Forrest thinking he has got his act together, he has got it all figured out, thinking they will help them figure out their goal. Then all of a sudden Forrest stops. The group behind him stops, looks at him expectantly thinking he is going to say something profound. All Forrest says is ” I’m pretty tired. I think I’ll go home now ” and ends his run of three years, two months, fourteen days and sixteen hours.

The group following him is lost thinking what they are supposed to do now?

For a second, I questioned to myself, was I Forrest or was I part of the group who is following him, to have those recurrent dreams or was my body just telling me to burn the excess fat accumulated over the years. I pushed out the last thought and concentrated on the first two, fat reduction is already being worked upon (1000 miles to go, first step started)

Switching back to the movie, I remembered Forrest telling Jenny that he is going to be himself when she asks him what he wants to be when he grows up. He is able to stay true to that statement always. 

While reading a book “Know thyself” by Anupam Kher I came across a statement wherein it says imitation is suicide. One should never do it.

While climbing up the monastery, I was reminded of a conversation about passion, I had few weeks back with a friend. I mentioned that what I was doing was my passion and until I feel I am done, I won’t move on to the next. There was a surprised expression on the statement. I realized, I started having those dreams after this conversation.

Was I the runner behind Forrest or was I Forrest? 
Was I pursuing my real passion or I was just following someone whom I thought had got it all figured out? 

Trying to connect all these dots, inside the Tigress’s nest in the monastery, I came to a conclusion that I wasn’t a follower. I really liked what I did, but like Forrest I was slowly feeling tired. 

Did it mean I was losing interest in my passion? Not at all. It just meant I had to rethink the way I was pursuing my passion.

I am now figuring out if I still keep running or rest for a while or go home or change the course. I haven’t reached a conclusive point yet but I do hope when I do, I have the courage of the conviction to take the next leap of faith.